the .edu version of myself

i sifted through my old e-mail inbox

when i decided to pursue journalism as a career path, i chose the path of least subtlety. i wanted everyone to know it, from judgmental aunties to apathetic cashiers to random classmates i tried to recruit into writing for my neighborhood blog that i started after getting rejected from an internship.

but one of the most specific manifestations of that - of me, trying to be heard and taken seriously as a writer - began when i landed a .edu e-mail address from boston university.

you see, it’s really hard to ignore a student.

i used that e-mail to cold e-mail everyone, from an executive editor at the new yorker (no response) to a writer at a dream publication (whose lede i memorized and, upon meeting them for coffee, recited it right back to them). i used it to get prominent people downtown to respond to my request for comment (who i’d then gently remind that i also happen to be an intern for the boston globe). i used it to apply to coffee shops, with a little too much zeal (see below)

he never responded, in case you were wondering

and while every cold e-mail was not successful, the earnestness quickly became a hack. the few times it did work - and yes this was years before i’d have a twitter dm help me land a job - it felt like i was soaring.

the reason i’m thinking about the .edu version of myself is because of a pact i made with myself this year. instead of resolutions, i’ve picked a word or phrase to live by every month. this month is confidence. fast forward, only now do i realize how much i’ve grown up and away from some of the childish beliefs i had during one of the most confident times in my life.

today, i’m still eager, ambitious, and hungry, but i’m also realistic, aware and smart. but, in honor of my monthly resolution, i’m trying to believe that i can both understand that the world is complicated and try to ignore those complications in pursuit of happiness. in other words, i need to just shoot my shot more.

you know how when we’re younger, we’re more creative and will draw all over walls and tell wild stories and let our imagination run free? i think that also goes for our ambition. what if we took ourselves less seriously, and made more serious strides as a result our silly asks? idk. i’ll keep you updated.

what’s your .edu version of yourself?

i once weaseled my way into a grumpy flower shop the day of valentine’s day for research