no one ever talks about friendship love + treasure trove
we never hear songs about long distance friendships
CARDIGANS, ON CARDIGANS —
one of the tiny benefits of the slow drawl of quarantine is that it has forced us as a world to think more thoughtfully about the relationships in our lives. this week, i want to talk about friendship love, which is often left out of casual discourse.
we never hear songs about long distance friendships. we never write long winded essays about the heartbreak that happens when you lose a friendship. we never celebrate anniversaries with the platonic soulmates we’ve found. you never get free pity shot at a bar when you are going through a platonic breakup.*
*you don’t go to bars in general because we are in the middle of a damn pandemic.
while i’ve long known about this, i honestly haven’t given the dynamic much thought.
but after almost half a year of being long distance friends with most of my friends because of this horrible, devastating disease, i’m wondering how the omission can impact us.
more later, but first my words + reads:
my words: yc’s most anticipated startup raised $16 million without ever presenting at demo day: trove. the startup is one of 30 companies that deferred presenting virtually to thousands of investors. it is clear it didn’t have to.
etc: last year, we thought a $30M valuation coming out of YC was fire emoji. this year, trove had a $75 million valuation out of YC. a sign of the times. (other yc coverage here, and here)
learning lesson: we can do four podcasts in one week! some with video!
everyone filed to go public monday
a faster, easier, cheaper way of going public
anyways,
i’ll address two caveats to the argument i’m soon to make:
1) i get the necessary and enjoyed differences between friend love and romantic love
2) you are probably a great friend, i am probably a great friend, but greatness has nuance!
reply guys aside, i believe that the missing conversation around friendship love means that we might not think about those relationships as thoughtfully, or naturally, or dramatically, as we might a romantic love.
think of it like this. if all our life we’re taught that cutting boards are used to cut vegetables, we will use the board for that very reason! but does that mean a cutting board can only be used for vegetables? I’d argue our cutting board needs to be doubled as a cheeseboard much more often. and in order to repurpose your cutting board as a cheeseboard, you don’t need to do anything radical. you just need to change your perspective on how certain tools don’t just have one use case.
applying the cheeseboard metaphor to this dynamic: we might know how to coax a long distance relationship with a partner (morning facetimes! zoom dates! goodnight messages! and thinking of you amazon gifts!). a long distance friendship might not have as obvious bits and bobs built into it. but it should, and to do so just requires a mindset reframing.
i’ll end with this: these days, it is easy to get lazy with any and every relationship because we are human and times are tough. give yourself grace. but after you’re done with that, think about your friendships with intention. see the small ways you can show up for them. mourn that friendship breakup. listen to taylor swift for all love.
remember that you don’t need to make room for a cheeseboard and a cutting board, they’re one in the same.
to my lovely friends,
n
