google docs will not fix your problems + immigrants get the job done

BEAUTY, AND THE BEACH —

when i got into an argument as a kid, i didn’t scream and yell. i screamed, yelled, grabbed the red pen reserved specifically for fights with my mom and went to my diary. then, i’d spend the next 30 minutes scribbling down why i was angry for pages and pages, until my hands were smeared red with ink and it hurt to hold the pen.

as i’ve grown older, i’ve ditched the angsty red ink, but i’ve stuck to that same reaction with emotion: conversations with myself rarely stay within my head. my feelings need to be wrapped with language, either by speaking them out or writing them out, to have count.

in fact, so much of my past year has been defined by putting words to things that have long existed in my life. sometimes i think about how many bad friends i could have avoided if i had the word “gaslighting” in my back pocket during high school and college. not-jokes aside, i think humans naturally get empowered when they can put a feeling to a word. mastering that skill is how the best writers become the best writers.

the problem with being in a rush to get all your words out is that sometimes you don’t have the ones you’re looking for.

more later, including my google docs bandaid, but first my words:

my words: growing up in the philippines, andreia carrillo always liked the stars. it’s what brought her to the united states to study astronomy, and why she wants others to follow in her footsteps and study the stars.

“though, we’ll see if that happens now,” carrillo said. click below to read more.

etc: we talked more about the rule change on equity, techcrunch’s vc-focused podcast. it’s worth noting that 17 states are joining a legal effort to block the rule, and that some lawyers think that the legality of the reversal is questionable. click below to listen in.

learning lesson: visa alternatives bring hope. in 2018, i wrote a piece on how universities are leveraging an unconventional rule to help international talent stay in the united states.

anyways,

rushing to come to a conclusion means that you might fall on cliche and surface level answers when processing something that is, in reality, far more complicated. often times, i get an edit that tells me to take my time with explaining something, instead of trying to bridge thoughts that weren’t meant to be bridged.

i’ll give you an example. i recently had a professional realization in understanding the kind of stories i want to pursue. i proceeded to tell my editor that i would spend the next two hours in a google doc planning out my direction for the foreseeable future.

his response was that you can’t google docs your way to clarity. instead of trying to front-load development, sit with yourself and think about why you rush to an empty word document in moments of confusion.

now let’s step out of that workplace example and apply it back to our red pen situations: we can’t google docs our way out of adulthood’s Great Big Questions. we have to live without the words to describe living.

this complicates the whole human need to attach feelings to words to feel heard. it also makes me feel less alone in feeling confused and overwhelmed.

so here’s my advice for going forward: get comfortable with pressing lighter on the pen. remember we can’t red ink our way to clarity. swap for a pencil, get comfortable with an eraser, and then realize drafts exist for a reason. don’t put pressure on yourself to understand something that doesn’t easily come.

and at the end of it, when do you find the words you were looking for all along, write until your hands are smeared with red ink and it hurts to hold the pen.

till next time,

n

p.s. thanks to my girl alisha for providing the art for this newsletter. she’s an amazing nyc-based creative who just launched a design instagram. follow her @lishykoko.